It's been a while since
my last blog post, mainly because I've been waiting for something
powerful to share. However, lately my days have been filled with
meetings and various administrative tasks, and I realize that nobody
wants to read about budgets, organizational policy, or growth
strategies. However, I'm incredibly excited to share what God has placed
on my heart today. I hope it encourages, and convicts all who read it. I
apologize, as this is a little longer than normal. Thank you, in
advance, for caring enough to read it:
Yesterday, I was sitting
on top of the mission team house in Costa Rica. It was a beautiful day,
and I found myself closing my eyes to feel the combination of warm
sunshine and cool breeze on my face. As I opened my eyes, I found myself
gazing across the San Jose valley. I was struck by the natural beauty
of God's creation, and also saddened by the presence of so much pain and
death. I began to pray and ask God to stir my heart and renew my
passion for Him and His work through me.
I had spent the past
week living out the gospel at break-neck speed, long days and late
nights; but somehow the hustle and bustle was transformed into a scared
calm. I found myself alone in the presence of God, and as I continued to
pray and recall the events of this past week, a flood of emotion
overwhelmed me. This was a strange and rare experience for me, as I've
always worked hard to keep my emotions in check, but there was no
fighting or holding it back. I could feel His presence, and I'm
confident I heard Him speaking directly to my heart. "I love you
perfectly just as you are, can you love me where I have you?" It's hard
to explain, but it was like a comforting rebuke, as only God can do. A
perfect love, accompanied with perfect truth.
Please allow me to
explain what led me to this place. As I mentioned before, this past week
I was serving on a short-term mission project in Costa Rica. My son's
youth group sent a mission team, and I volunteered to serve as an adult
leader. It was such an incredible joy to witness God moving in and
through my son, as well as the rest of the mission team.
For me, personally, this
past week was truly life changing. To have the opportunity to get back
into the trenches, roll-up my sleeves, and get my hands dirty for Jesus!
It was so exciting to be part of such a fruitful week. For example our
very first day we had the opportunity to deliver food, and pray for
little Jose Antonio! He is truly a walking miracle of God. He is also a
powerful reminder that God still heals and works miracles through the
prayers of His people! What an awesome encouragement to see how God can
use the prayers of frail and broken people.
On Friday, I was able to
eat lunch with many of my homeless friends at the feeding center.
Though I haven't seen some of them for months, we still had a bond and
friendship. We encouraged one another as we broke bread together. One of
the men named Tony was excited to tell me how God was changing him in
some very powerful ways. He went on to explain that he had been sober
for fifteen months, and was no longer living on the streets. He is back
home and once again living with his family.
On Saturday, we joined a
group of people to hike through the wilderness to a small mountain
steam to celebrate baptisms. I couldn't help but to think that this may
have been similar to the way it was for John the Baptist. It was an
amazing experience to have the privilege to baptize these people.
On Sunday, we attended
the thriving local church plant. We had the privilege to teach the
children's Sunday school classes. It was awesome to witness the packed
out services, authentic worship, and awesome message. After church we
conducted the final day of the children's VBS, where God brought
twenty-three children into His family. It was fantastic to watch these
little ones come forward and pray to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord
and savior. Not to mention the countless opportunities God gave through
out the week to love and pray for the local people. Now, I realize how
much I've missed it...and that is part of the problem.
Viewing this past week,
it's not surprising that this past year has been a difficult transition
for me. However, it's not what you may suspect. It's really not the
challenge of moving my family back into the American culture. It's not
the stress of championing the children's ranch project, or the challenge
of establishing an administrative headquarters in the United States.
It's not my family's struggling personal support, or the challenges of
defining and transitioning into my new role and function within 6:8
Ministries. It's the lack of exciting and tangible ministry.
I think the true
challenge is that at this time last year, I spent most of my day walking
the streets of Alajuelita, and living out the gospel of Jesus Christ in
exciting and tangible ways. My days were filled with loving and serving
people trapped in hopeless despair. I had the privilege to try and
combat injustice, and empower and free those enslaved by poverty. Days
filled leading mission teams, visiting feeding centers, praying for the
sick, building church plants, and sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.
I awoke most days with an excitement expecting and anticipating God to
use me in powerful ways.
Now it feels as though
my days are filled with boring administrative tasks. Most days it feels
as though I've gone from the miraculous to the mundane. I've gone from
praying with prostitutes to pushing pencils, from casting out demons to
clearing desktops. I once was praying for God to heal the sick, and I
almost expected to witness yet another miraculous healing! Now it feels
that I'm praying for traffic patterns, and shorter lines at the bank.
Lately it's been hard to find the excitement in what God is doing
through me.
Intellectually, I
understand that God is still working through me to strengthen and expand
His kingdom here on earth. I'm absolutely positive that He has called
me to lead and steward 6:8 Ministries, and He continues to grow and
strengthen His ministry in powerful ways! It is a humbling honor and
privilege that He would allow me to be a part of His ministry, let alone
lead it. I seriously know at least a dozen men who are smarter, wiser,
more talented, more experienced, and much more compassionate. Yet, for
some reason He has called me to lead! This is a mystery that I don't
think I'll ever truly understand the mystery of His call.
Furthermore, I
understand that my role and functions are incredibly important, and
aren't any less valuable than what I was doing before the transition.
Actually, it's quite the opposite. In many ways I can recognize that my
current function is critical to the life and health of the ministry. I
know very well that without vision and leadership the ministry will
suffer and become less effective.
Therefore, the problem
must be something else, and I believe God revealed it to me this
morning. It's my selfish pride that has made this transition so
difficult. It's embarrassing and humbling to recognize it as sin. You
see rather than being content where God has me, I want to experience the
excitement of hands-on ministry. I want that adrenaline rush of having
Him working miracles through me. My sinful pride longs for more than
God's presence and call. It's not enough to administrate, facilitate,
and equip others to lead, selfishly I want to experience it myself.
Sadly, I've come to realize that my motives have not entirely pure. I
find my heart's motives being challenged, and I long for my pride to be
consumed in a Holy fire. God's word warns about doing the right thing
with the wrong motives. Even our best deeds will be judged and our
motives tested. Today, God has exposed the prideful motives of my sinful
heart.
However, I feel that
it's the beginning of the journey of renewing of my heart. I long for
him to continue to refine and purify my heart and my motives. Even as I
write this, I'm recalling and tearing-up thinking about our time
together on the rooftop this morning. He is so good, so loving, and so
patient. I'm excited and encouraged to return home, and serve Him in the
mundane as if it were the miraculous! I have a renewed passion, and
want to be full of excitement and zeal regardless of the task He gives
me or location He calls me to serve.
So will you help me?
Please pray for me as I continue to make this transition. I want to be
equally excited to conduct meetings, cast vision, pour over budgets, and
negotiate contracts. Please pray that everything I do, I would do unto
the Lord with a supernatural passion and zeal. Please pray that God
would continue to speak to me and provide wisdom, vision, and direction
as I steward His ministry. Finally, pray that my trust and confidence in
Him would continue to grow. That He would continue to provide for our
family, and build our personal support. That He would unite and prompt
His people to support and invest in what He is doing through our family
and 6:8 Ministries.
Humbled and Excited by Him,
Spencer
